I was wrong
I thought my happiness depended on someone else loving me, accepting me
In a family of a man and a woman
It never crossed my mind it's all about me loving myself
Just smiling at the afternoon sun on my face
And so just like that
I can choose to be happy
I don't know how this goes
But I don't give a fuck.
Yeh you don't give a fuck.
I can see that, feel that and hear that in the deafening silence.
The noise of plastic being torn.
Well good bye my love.
Because I give a fuck.
I feel.
I have never let anyone come
In me.
Never let anyone near me as I did you.
I never was careless enough to dream.
Till I met you.
And now I never will.
I will let you go my love.
Find happiness.
Marry a woman who makes you happy, have kids.
Name them Iris and Isaac.
For I have no need of those names anymore my love.
For I am a woman who cannot be loved.
For I will not dare dream again.
I know now where I belong.
And it isn't beside you my love.
I am sorry for the wasted times.
I am sorry for all the fucks not given.
But most of all I am sorry for I am a disappointment.
I am sorry for all I am.
I tried my love. I tried to take this hideous joke of a woman away from this word but I failed , entirely, even at that.
I will keep trying my love. I promise.
Not that you'll give a fuck.
But I'll try all the same.
I hope one day we never meet.
And I wish you rainbows and laughter my love.
Farewell.
Forget that you loved me once.
Forget that your heart and your brain told you in unison , oh yes.
Just don't give a fuck my love.
Goodbye.
Let me cry alone
As I am alone
I am loved
But not the way I want to
Story of my life
From the first fuck to the last
And they all do it
Saying I care too much for you
So I am not right for you
To say I DO
But I'm just right for that fuck
The whore dreams
Every day and every night
When she's awake and while asleep
Being rocked
On a dingy bed
Being carried to an eternal pit
She dreams
Of love
Support
Children
And laughter
Colours of a rainbow
And smells of a home
And then she wakes up
To a lustful face
Hovering above her
And she closes her eyes inside and out
Let herself be rocked
On her dingy bed
Tears streaming down her face
For all things that are just dreams
So so far away...........
Honey
Remember
As your memories tear you apart
About the children we dreamt about
Rainbows and laughter
Remember how I felt
Inside and out
The taste of me in the morning
How I smelled like vanilla, roses and hope
Remember
You used to love me
And remember
I love you
You don't feel love for me
You say
First thing in the morning
I listen to you
Nothing new
Then you ask me how I am?
I listen to the question
I want to tell you I feel despondent
Abandoned
Over and over and over again
But what use is there to say what hurts the most to an unfeeling ghost
I say, I'm good
Nothing new
Life continues
That moment, when you realise
That you are living a lie
That you are not at all fine
That you hurt
Every cell in your body hurt
That you are grey and hollow
Underneath the glossy sheath
Of lip gloss and painted nails
You feel sick.
