Beloved V!

HE
Discernd her
Naive
Innocent as a lamb
Fairness, radiating
Colours of the rainbow
shimmering on her.
She looked
Like a goddess in human form.
Yet
he sensed her,
a mere mortal
crimson throbbing beneath her fragile shell.

He
Desired her.
Everything she had to offer
Excited him
To a frenzy
So intense he couldn't wait!!
Till his time!
Till the gathering dusk!

Finally,
he stepped inside her world.
A scented breeze
Through her window.

And

SHE
Thought he WAS an angel!

Her heart fluttering like a leaf
She open up
Completely.
Her colours & memories painting
Murals IN him.

She danced for him
That night.
As ALL others had done before her!



As the day dawned,

THEY
found her

Still.
For eternity!
Her shell emptied of hues.

Yet with a peace & a smile upon her lips.

I am sorry!

I am sorry

I could not see
Why
Your ever so bright light was out

I am sorry

I did not know
It was me you were keeping out
With
Locked doors
Shut windows

I am sorry

I did not understand
It took so much
To give a little space
For a chronically ill of heart

I am sorry

For
That
Which
I am!!

Let go....

What do you do
When your heart is breaking
And your eyes well up
of torrential rains??
And you search the ends of the earth
To find a reason
For the storm,
And return empty!

WHAT do you do, then?

You let go, then
Of EVERYTHING!

Of everything you like !
Of everything you loathe!
Of everything that binds!

Let go! With a haste!
Let go! With a love so pure!
Let go! With the sapience;

That all living things big or small
Seen or unseen
Born of matter or born of light
Decay
Over time!

Remember;
The only certainty is
In the death of all who live!

Remember this
From the depths of your cells!

And
You let go
Of YOURSELF!

"As gently as a leaf renounces a drop of dew with the touch of morning light"

~ Thank you my good friend AA for MOST of this one :) ~

Mosaic

I let them all fall,

my bandages

to let your eyes feast.

On a skin permanently tattooed 

with scars.

Every inch of it!!

It tells a story, the mosaic!

Of countless births of suffering.

Of pools full of blood & horror!

I know you are afraid

of what you lay your eyes on,

the ugliness.

I see it in your eyes.

I see it it in you.

YET,

Don't run away

yet!

Abide with me please

Until i wrap myself up again.

THEN,

You can depart 

As quickly as your steps would carry

& never lay your mind on me again.

Someone!

"It's an extraordinary thing to meet someone
who you can bear your soul to
and who will accept you for WHAT you are.
I've been waiting
What seems like a very long time
To get beyond what I am.
With you
I feel like I can finally begin.
No measure of time with you is long enough
But lets start with forever!"
~Edward Cullen- Breaking Dawn~
All the nights & days
Of my long life I've seen pass by
I spent
Waiting for you.
I've felt your presence,
In the wind
In the flutter of leaves.
The colours of the changing seasons
Gave me hope
You were out there
Some where.
The small birds
fleeting from the northern skies
told me
Stories about you.
& I filled my dreams with
your hues,
Your essence,
your scent.
I filled them with YOU.
& so I waited!
I waited!
Waited for YOU!
& I've been waiting what seems like a long long long time!
..................................................
Im a spent woman now,
Body & soul!
All my existence used on days bygone.
But my heart
I saved for you
And you only!
Still beating with the same rhythm
as before.
And it will beat on
Just for you!

I hardly know you.. now

I’ve seen you.
I’ve seen your smile.
I’ve seen your anger.
I’ve seen your tears.

I’ve seen you.
I’ve seen you in light.
With all your flaws.
Standing bright & tall!

I’ve seen you in the dark,
With all my senses fighting
To compensate  for the useless pair of eyes,
To know your  ridges & valleys
As the back of my palms.
To remember when you're gone!

I’ve seen you.
When you were about to reach
That place of ecstasy.
I’ve watched you as you open that door
& step inside
alone.

I have seen you.
Seen glimpse of what I thought is your heart!
A beautiful creature running wild & free!

And I DID know you
Then.

But now you’ve closed the door behind
Leaving me on the verge
To come.

Shifted your heart to a strange landscape
I could never reach.

I DO see you now
In my mind
A stranger I hardly know!

Hues of White! Hues of Life!

Austere white
Against the crystal blue of
the morning sky.
Little wings
fluttering on
Insearch of the lush green,
Hues of red & purple & orange & blue
& yellow & green
& oh so so many colours!

Insearch from birth,
Dreams passed from generation to generation.
In threads of life
so fragile!

& yet evey flutter
leading
further
deeper
in to a jungle
so overwhelmed with shades of gray & black!!!

Where is it!??
Where is that distant throb, that calls me?!
Where is that promised garden!?????

It pains!
It pains to toss about!
With no end in sight!!

Oh little one!
I know you might feel lost now!
Yet futter on!!

In the heart of that dull gray,
Is the secret garden you look for.
Hiding just
behing the corner!
Flourishing , nurtured by hopes & dreams.
waiting!
& waiting for you to find
your dream!
& be at peace.

Your white becoming the hues you dream.
& so my little one, flutter on!
Flutter ON!

fumbling

I was fumbling in the stark day light
To find a connection that would keep me alive.

You were fumbling in the dead of night's dark
To find that hole to keep you hidden from life!

Nameless....

she cleans our school.
she's sent out to buy everything & anything.
from tampons to NaOH the school & it's UPPER echolon inhabitants are in need.
she is running in the morning!
she is running in the evening!
& then she gives a small bit of solace to her weary feet
on a dirty step
out of everyones eyes.
& then back to running!!


She is P*

But for most she does not have a name.

& MOST does not know that
once upon a time
not so long ago
she was a trained nurse.

with 12 years of experience behind her!
now choosing to be nameless
for she loves children.

for that one thing in life that she wants the most,
the one thing she can never have,
the thing which will complete her.

for she would do anything to be around
THAT thing
that makes her complete.

even when she knows
that
that completeness comes at a high price
called
namelessness!

TEXTs

TEXT RECEIVED:

Hey
I'm not gonna tell this again!
He doesn't need you!
He's got me!
Let go of him, he's mine!!

TEXT TO BE SENT:

Hey I AM soooo not going to tell THIS again!!
I DON'T NEED HIM!!
I don't need a good for nothing shadow of a man LIKE him!
Dwelling in a land haunted by glimpse of past lighting!
Who does not know what friendship, or love or caring
& last but not least
what it means to be human, ANYMORE!
I WILL not need him
even if I were desperate to get my LAST egg fertilised!
even if he's the last MALE on earth!!

& hey
I've already let him go
so so so long ago!

But let your young & crazy heart be warned!
He is no one's!
For he is not even HIS!

am I THAT invisible?? :'(

Hi Miss
Ane' I have a rash on my back
I don't know what to do
But it hurts day & night!
Miss, sweet Miss!
can you help me?
Miss??


Hello sir!
Ane' I've not eaten for days
Other than garbage.
Oh dear sir, you have no idea
How hard it is
To find a bit of water to drink
Sir can you help?
Sir??
Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im down here!!
Am I truly that hard to see??!!
I'm looking at you
& my heart is about to burst!
& my eyes burn of a rain just about to fall!

Ane i know you little sirs & misses are busy
That you face the struggle of life as I do!
But please look at me!!
It takes only a second!!
& you will realise that more than food or water or medication......
What i really want is a tiny bit of LOVE!
Talk to me!
Notice me!

& I'll give you all I have to give
All that is precious to me
My love, my heart
The wag of my tail!

& My LIFE! I promise! I do!

Please please !
LOOK AT ME!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!


AM I THAT INVISIBLE!!

Am I REALLY  that INVISIBLE!!!!!!!

image ~ WAPA

unpursued universe

early morning

on my hurried walk

to work

my eyes search for the moment

I see you.

I feel you do too.

and we trespass in to

one anothers

depths

for

a moment

a moment of connection

a moment of endless possibilities

a smile.

& then you are gone.

on your way to life

leaving

only a wisp of scent

of another universe of possibilities.

& then I’m gone

never

pursuing

That moment

Those possibilities……

words....

words
have a way
don't they!
of changing
their meaning
midway
at times,
have a way of pricking
until
it bleeds
??
words Do
have a way!!
Dont't they??

Screams Unheard!

When you call
A tiny voice
At the depths of my brain
Screams........
Please Keep on Talking!
Ah! If you ONLY knew How  I miss your voice!

But It never reaches
As far as the crappy "excuse my language,please!" mouth
& so

You end up saying good bye
Once more.
& I end up
Holding my tears & guarding my pride
Until once more
I break completely
& my crappy mouth SCREAMS
for help!!!

A bit MORE...

I asked you
Whom I was to you.

The answer

I still can not believe!!
I listened to
Without
Harming you
or
Your PRECIOUS car

OR
PUKING!

was,

A bit MORE than a friend
& a bit LESS than a girlfriend!

& then
I started to
Measure!!
To measure the BITS more & less!!

& you know what I've found out?

I was NOTHING to you

For if I were:

1) You would have seen
That you were
EVERYTHING
to me!!

2) & it doesn't have BITs or MOREs or LESSes; being a girlfriend!
It's EITHER full or it's nothing!!!

My Friend! :-,!!

I told you I need
someone like
a father
& You smiled.
I told you I need someone
like  a son,
You looked out the window
& shut THAT door tighter.
I said I need
someone
LIKE a husband
& You threw the key of your heart
To the depths of the ocean
we use to watch
rolling its waves
while you sing.
And
When
I told you
I need a friend
You turned to me and said
Now that I can BE.

And that
was the 1st time
You lied to me!

Blur

When I take
My glasses off
The world goes in a -6.75(plus a cylindrical difference) BLUR.
When I put them back
Again
The world goes
In an even greater BLUR.